Today is day number one of what I hope will be daily, maybe monthly entries a glimpse of how I am feeling, thinking, mentally overcoming, healing from so much messed up shit my life has become.
Over and over I keep asking myself…
Why did I allow this shit to happen to me? Why does it matter? Why can’t I just let it go?
It wasn’t until I found myself in a domestic violence shelter a year and a half ago that I finally learned that the men I have had in my life pick me for a reason and that reason is NOT love. I was raised by a mentally disordered mother and a father that was never around. I have one older sister who I have never been close to. I have though tried to have relationships with both my mom and sister and nothing good became of it. As for my dad… it wasn’t until I nearly lost my life from a tension pneumothorax (collapsed lung) that he came back into my life. Unfortunately, he lost his life to terminal brain cancer not to long after our reunion. I do though feel very grateful for the time we did have together it was very healing.